I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
being pregnant is like rehab
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
