Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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