im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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