is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
