take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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