i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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