Only a mothe r could love this liver
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
