I got her a Nickelback box set.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
