So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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