after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
