i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
