my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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