Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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