You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
