The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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