there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
