at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
