Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
