just tell him i said nine months
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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