im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
