Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
