it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
