My sheets look like a crime scene.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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