You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
This is my gift to your gina
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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