Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
