Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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