Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
