Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
