piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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