So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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