Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
