mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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