The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
