I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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