Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Oh god it's open bar.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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