When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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