after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
