he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
