Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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