Are we in a gay sports bar?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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