I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
