i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
