all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
