omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
