They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i think i just lost a toe
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
