so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
