Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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