pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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