it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
