I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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