I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
