I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You are a genius and a whore.
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